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You would think that a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship would leave little reason for either party to seek satisfaction elsewhere, right? Yet when it comes to infidelity, reason is not what's actually at play.
It's true, you can be attracted to someone else, even when your marriage or relationship is a good one. In fact, most people don't set out to have an affair. Even so, affairs happen all the time but is there any rhyme or reason as to why they happen? Is it possible to cheat proof your relationship? While there's no guarantee, you can take steps to protect your relationship from infidelity. Here's how...
Open your eyes
Looking into the past right from the beginning of your relationship will give you the best start. First, consider whether the person you are dating has a history of monogamy - or not. While everyone may deserve a second chance, dating someone with a history of cheating might mean you are setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment from the get-go.
If you find it difficult to broach the topic, simply ask about your potential lover's last relationship. If they don't feel comfortable talking about it, this might be an indication that they have something to hide. Conversely, you may discover that while they were true, a past partner wasn't. While we wouldn't wish this on anyone, your partner's experience of being cheated on might just work in your favor. Since your partner knows how hurtful it can be, they'll be less likely to inflict a similar hurt on you. Finding someone with a solid monogamous history doesn't guarantee fidelity, but it certainly increases the chances!
Work itKeep innocent friendships or work relationships in check. Simply, don't let them cross any boundaries. Congratulatory hugs and pecks on the cheek, "professional bonding" activities like lunch dates and after work cocktails - these are all situations that can lead to attachments that are more than just professional or familiar. Emotional unfaithfulness occurs when a person develops a strong emotional bond with someone outside their primary relationship. This new relationship may be platonic, but it is just as dangerous as adultery. A person is being emotionally unfaithful when they seek comfort in another, while keeping secrets from the person in their main relationship.
Just friends
While everyone needs to open up to make new friends and develop good relationships, there are ways to do it that don't involve the kind of emotional sharing that one is supposed to have with one's partner. Ways to avoid emotional unfaithfulness include keeping professional relationships professional. For instance, if you go out to lunch with a colleague, invite a third party. Avoid physical contact with the other person and don't share the intimate details of your life.
If you sincerely feel attracted to the other person and enjoy conversing with them more than with your spouse or partner, admit it and then steer clear of the temptation by steering clear of the person. It's how we behave in tempting situations that opens or shuts the door on cheating. A couple's responsibility to one another is knowing where and when to set boundaries with other people.
Stay tuned
The best way to avoid an affair is to stay close, open and intimate with your partner. In a world of temptation, it's important to keep the boundaries clear. It's just as important to keep the lines of communication, love, intimacy and adventure open with your partner. Instead of keeping secrets, talk with each other about your experiences. It's only through openness that your relationship will flourish and you will remain bullet-proof against indiscretion.
There is no playing fair in survival of the fittest. Everyone's experienced the baffling feeling of meeting someone who is "good on paper" but the zing just isn't there. That's Mother Nature insuring that we continue on! So, here's a scientific look at the more serious side of flirting.
Scan it!
Men enter a social situation and scan the area looking for potential mates. They generally give the same amount of eye contact to each woman, enough time to assess physical beauty and to see if their searching look returns any glances. For woman, scanning is out! Women are pickier, glancing around for fractions of a second looking to see who's available without committing to one suitor.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Regardless of who's considered hot in your social set, guess who we pick for the long haul? People who look just like us! The person who has that elusive familial feeling generally does look like family. So, though the supermodels may have the advantage during the initial scan of the room, the lasting bond will likely be with someone who doesn't look out of place in a family portrait. Even when people are shown pictures of strangers and asked to select the person they would want to take on a date, they consistently pick people who look like they do! And now here's the Freudian bit - on even closer examination, people have a particular preference for people who look like their parents. So women want men who look like dad and men want women who look like mom.
Now that you know the science behind the art, use it to your advantage. Remember, don't sweat the small stuff, just play up your assets and let biology take its course.
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