You can't make a relationship work all by yourself. If you're the one putting in all the effort, then it just won't last. It takes two to tango. And if there's only one person on the dance floor, it's time to find another partner, says Darlene ext. 9563.
This was the lesson she shared with Mary (not her real name), a 32-year-old writer from Los Angeles who had decided to call on a whim for some strength and support. "I am addicted to a man," she confessed, with some embarrassment. "We've been in a relationship for three years, but the relationship has changed dramatically. At first Spence (not his real name) was pursuing me, but now he really isn't committed. I only see him every two weeks."
Mary was sick of feeling like an emotional yo-yo. She wanted help. Darlene, who has been giving professional readings for 25 years, asked Mary to repeat his name three times.
"I could tell right away that Spence wasn't an easy man. He was a handful- a pussycat one day, and a vicious leopard the next," she explained. Darlene also confirmed that he was emotionally unavailable. She could also detect a streak of anger toward women, which she believed stemmed from his relationship with his mother. And he had a hard time communicating - deep down inside, he wasn't happy with himself.
"Don't I know it," Mary retorted. Darlene had described her lover to a T.
Mary had attracted an angry man who was unable to express his emotions. And yet, recalls Darlene, they had incredible chemistry. "She was truly addicted to him. Every few weeks she would expel him from her life, and then she'd fall off the love-wagon. The attraction was that strong." Darlene went on to tell her that Spence had closed himself off to her, and didn't have the emotional tools to change. Spence loved her, but didn't have what it took to grow in a spiritual way.
"But he keeps coming around - he must want me," Mary suggested.
"Good heavens! I have to say that I believe the cards rather than what people say. This is your life, and I don't believe you are getting what you deserve," Darlene told her emphatically. The line got really quiet, all of a sudden.
Darlene continued, telling her client had that she had major abandonment issues, and that she was playing them out with Spence. Instead of realizing that she was wasting her time, she kept trying to make amends and "fix" things.
As the conversation progressed, Mary revealed that she had indeed tried her best. She had gone to Al-Anon to learn not to control him (or his drinking habits), she had put up with his impetuous nature, and she had repeatedly forgiven his negative comments. Enough was enough. How long was she going to waste on this guy? she finally asked herself - and Darlene. What did he give her back besides great sex and a few laughs?
Darlene strongly suggested that Mary let the relationship go. It wasn't going to be over until she stood up for herself. Spence was content with seeing her occasionally, just for sex. The psychic added that she saw the possibility of Mary meeting a new man on the horizon, but the timing would be off unless she made space in her heart to love again. She also suggested that Mary read Ask & It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
It took a few more failed attempts but eventually Mary cut Spence out of her life - cold turkey. She worked hard not to call him, text him or respond to his emails. She even went to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, per Darlene's advice. Mary kept in touch with Darlene, and read the book she had suggested. It took six months, but she let him go and made space in her heart. In time, she could clearly see that they were not a good match, and that he'd been stringing her along.
"And then one night she met another man on the dance floor," Darlene relates happily. "He is just the complete opposite of her ex - giving, open, spiritual and mature. Fortunately, she had healed her heart and was able to open up to him . . . So, now she has an actual partner to shimmy through life with."
